"The Experiment"
Part One
by a Friend of AOM
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An honest and genuine account of a personal journey to understanding
He went in search
of why certain images moved him in such a powerful way
And through the process, found himself
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"Beauty is the mysterious quality that shouts loudly, "Ah, this experience is right for me now!" It is an abstract term that is difficult to define because it has a slightly different meaning for each of us. But I think we will agree that when we accept or experience beauty, we intuitively know that life contains much more than we can comprehend. Beauty always suggests something beyond--something greater than ourselves.
The search for beauty is a journey into the meaning of the universe. The experience of something beautiful is a reward for our perseverance. Beauty goes beyond the hardships of life and can make it all worthwhile. When beauty finally suffuses our souls, nothing else will take precedence, because we will have discovered the essence of God."
~Charles D. Lelly
(The Beautiful Way of Life)Posted on AOM
Since the inception of the “World Wide Web” and dial-up internet connections, I have enjoyed entertaining myself with the unimaginable amount of material that is now available to me. Fairly recently, I had an epiphany while reading my favorite blog, AOM. It occurred to me that, while I enjoy looking at so many different images - some for education, some for general entertainment, and some for sexual arousal - there are some images that have an impact on me that I cannot completely explain. Some images that I look at cause a powerful feeling inside me and I am physically, mentally and/or emotionally moved by these images.
I became curious to find out what it is that causes these feelings and I decided to come up with a method to explore this. I began to keep a folder that I could create a collection of images that do have this significant impact on me. I have collected images that I like for years, but I wanted a separate folder of only images that gave me that feeling of a rush of emotions within. Over a few weeks this folder began to slowly grow, but I am impatient because I wanted a significant number of photos that I could analyze quickly. Then it occurred to me, over the years of saving pictures, surely I would have saved the ones that moved me. So I went through my entire hard drive to locate such pictures. One very interesting fact became clear, many of the pictures that moved me in some way were actually saved on my computer multiple times. I would run across such images multiple times on the internet not realizing I had already saved it and I would save it again. This is a clear indicator to me that there is something about these images that has some impact on me.
The following is the collection of photographs that in some way either, physically, mentally and/or emotionally moved me—I plan to continue to save such images, so this list will continue to grow. Now that I have identified these pictures, as a personal project to try and determine what it is within me that makes me react to these and other pictures, I will review each one and write notes on them as to what they make me feel, think about, or how they stimulate me, whatever comes to my mind that is not forced.
What I am hoping comes from all this is that perhaps some light may be shed on what it is about the pictures that moves me. In the end it may be a waste of time, but it could also be quit therapeutic or perhaps enlightening…
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This picture reminds me how much I enjoy spending time in my own environment not concerned with any outside distractions. It portrays my enjoyment for being completely comfortable while naked in my own home. I have a feeling of existing in my own environment without trying to impress anyone. There is nothing sexuality involved in these feelings. This picture just makes me feel peace and serenity.~*~
This picture is exciting to me. The black and white, with the touch of red appeals to my appreciation for certain works of art. It is erotic and artistic which makes me slightly aroused…like seeing a nude matador, exciting and arousing.
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When I look at this, I am drawn to the shiny skin reflecting in the light. This picture is also artistic and erotic to me. I have an extreme emotion of inner peace, and I also have a feeling of innocence.
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This picture makes me think back to my childhood. After studying this picture, I now know that I knew I was gay before I even knew what gay was. As young as I can remember, I enjoyed watching dancers and gymnast, and ice skaters, but I was particular enthusiastic to see the guys. I loved to see the guys in tights! This photo brings that realization to the front of my mind. Such a perfect “action” shot.
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This photograph ties childhood memories to my adulthood interests. There are so many things in this one that stirs my emotions. The talent this performer has, the artistic qualities of this shot, the muscular torso along with that so exciting bulge that I came to love as a child and still love to this day.
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I think there are many things here that attract me to this one. I have never admitted this to anyone before, but my “fantasy lover” is an Asian man. This picture brings out that emotion along with spiritual awakening, a male dancer and nudism, all wrapped up in such an beautiful artistic manner.
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Having revealed my Asian Fantasy secret above, this is nothing more than a reflection on my fantasy. As long as my partner is still alive, nothing will ever happen, but the fantasy is still inside me.
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Wow, I have barely begun this experiment and I had no idea how revealing of my inner secrets this was going to be. I have always had a fetish for underwear. I was aware of this in the 11th grade locker room at school. "Matt" was his name. His locker was next to mine and he wore very sexy bikini underwear every day. I would always carry on a conversation with him just so I could look at his bulge in his underwear. This picture brings that memory back as if it were last week.
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This photograph again appeals to my underwear fetish and my Asian lover fantasy! What makes this even more exciting for me is the hard cock inside the underwear.
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This picture makes me feel relaxed and warm. It reminds me of the days I use to enjoy sunbathing. I also think my underwear fetish also includes Speedos…
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This picture reminds me of deep sea fishing when I was in college. There was a deck hand that looked and dressed just like this… although he did wear underwear… ha!!
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Again, this one appeals to my underwear fetish.
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Another thing I am in love with, I am not sure if it is considered a “fetish,” is Naturism , and this picture for me is a dream come true. Just imagine the beauty of being naked in such a beautiful environment. I can’t look at this scene enough.
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In this photograph, I am again excited by the visual of being comfortable in the safe environment of the home. I enjoy living like this, and it again makes me feel peace and comfort.
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This photo is full of excitement. Primal like. Like a beautiful creature stalking his next lover. I find this very artistic and erotic!
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When I was just out of college, our family had a pond that was secluded and my favorite thing to do was just be alone, naked and watch the wildlife. It gave me feeling of being part of nature. For me, there was nothing more peaceful than those times I spent on this pond alone. Looking at this photo brings those memories back.
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As far back as I can remember, I have always had a dream of owning my on island or beach front that I could just enjoy with no worries of being interrupted on disturbed. For me these two photos capture that dream and makes me wish it were true.
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This picture is nothing more than exciting to me. The excitement of the underwear flying off, the excitement of being naked in nature, the excitement of the snow on the ground, and the excitement of the cold… It makes me want to just jump with excitement.
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This is such a reminder of the days when I would skinny dip with my friend, "Jake", in college. After we got out of the water, we would leave our clothes off for a while as we air dried. From the back this photo is a remarkable resemblance of him. We were just good friends but he did see many boners on me. There was one time we were in the water coming out, I was walking behind him and he slipped in the mud and my hard-on shoved right against his crack. I remember him turn and give me this look as if to say “What the Fuck!” He never spoke of it, but I have thought about that many times after that.
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Another reminder of my youth, when I was 18 years old, I went on a back packing trip in the Rocky Mountains. It was with a group of guys and it was somewhat of a “spiritual” trip. At one point we were all separated in order for each of us to spend two days in a remote spot alone. It was to be a time to reflect on life. This was a really special time. I spent much of the time naked and skinny dipping. This photo brings those emotions to mind.
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Both of these two pictures are like fantasy settings for me. I love the beauty of nature depicted here and existing in natural form. Is naturism a fetish?? I have considered myself a naturist for many years, but as I conduct this experiment, I should consider if my love of naturism may be considered a fetish… both of these appear artistic and extremely erotic to me.
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This photo has become my all time favorite that I can remember. For me, this picture reminds me of my first time, lounging in the sun feeling its heat touch parts of my body it had never touched before. That was the most amazing feeling. I don’t remember my exact age, but I was 14 or 15 years old. For the first time in my life I laid completely naked in the sun by a creek. I remember how the heat from the sun and the breeze at the same time felt on my naked body. I had the hardest erection ever as I let my hands explore my entire body. In the end I had the most amazing orgasm that I felt throughout my entire body. That afternoon was the beginning of my love for experiencing the outdoors naked.
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I don’t know why this picture is so moving to me. Obviously the naturism aspect, but I think it is more. It makes me feel a sense of innocence and a sense of peace.
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I think this picture appeals to my fantasy again, the Asian subject, also the beautiful scenery and the element of naturism. Looking back (and forward) to how many pictures I have with naturism as the subject I think I should stop and determine if this is a fetish for me or not. Looking up the definition of fetish: “a need or desire for an object, body part or activity for sexual excitement. This is difficult, when I am nude in my home or out in nature, it is not typically sexually exciting so in that respect, my enjoying being nude would not be considered a fetish. So now let me look back at the above pictures and see if they sexually excite me…
Okay. The picture of “Jake” is sexually exciting, but that comes from the memory of my hard on touching his crack, and the one by the creek is sexually exciting but that comes from the memory of blowing my load for the first time in nature, and this one is sexually exciting but that comes from the Asian fantasy, not the naturism. The rest of the naturist pictures so far, make me feel extreme emotions, but I would not say “sexually excited.” So in conclusion, I am not yet ready to say I have a naturism fetish, but a love for naturism. Underwear, on the other hand, does make me feel sexually excited, so that fetish still sticks. Ha!
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The above two pictures, and this picture below are also reminders of my time alone in the Rocky Mountains as I had my spiritual journey with myself. Especially the one with the tennis shoes on as I had to wear my shoes because of the rocky ground. As I relive that memory, I am having a feeling that I would like to go back alone and relive that moment as well. Crap, I am too young to start a bucket list!
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My love for the beach, my dream of owning my own beach, and the desire to be naked. I love this picture!
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Both of these pictures give me a feeling of naturism and freedom.
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There are several elements here that create extreme emotions within. This picture perfectly captures my feelings for my love of being naked, my love for the beach, and perfectly celebrates being naked. This picture is a snap shot of my inner feelings of enjoyment of a naked life.
End of Part One of "The Experiment"
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Notes from AOM:
I'm thinking of publishing more excerpts from "The Experiment" next week
though I don't like to promise
Because I don't know how I will be feeling then
Even if I don't publish any more of this
I think you can see my Friend's thought processes and some of the revelations this "Experiment" brought to him
He said it was a most therapeutic experience
It brought back to him so many memories - thoughts and feelings
It gave him a greater understanding of himself
I want to thank my Friend
For allowing me to publish his work
For sharing it with us
So we can all benefit from his experiment
I think we all would benefit from doing our own experiment
See what's there - See what memories stir to life
See how we can better understand ourselves
Which
Is a most important part of the journey
To understand ourselves